Movie Waffle | The Black Phone (2021) - Hang It Up, Boyo

The Black Phone (2021) directed by Scott Derrickson

You know, I have to wonder when the concept of “stranger danger” became part of the American lexicon. Because when I was a kid, someone that drove around in a large black van with tinted windows would have labeled a “child abductor in-training” pretty dang quick. Maybe it’s just me, but that mode of transport doesn’t have the same mystique as an ice cream truck or clown car. Then again, it seems to work out well enough for the kids in this movie.

The Black Phone follows Finney, your stereotypical bullied teenager model no.3, and his abduction by an unhinged psycho killer that sometimes wears a mask and sometimes doesn’t. However, being the son of a mother with supernatural abilities, he starts to hear hints from past victims of his captor and resolves to make his escape.

What is up with that first act? Holy balls, the dialogue is pants. And the acting? Bordering on unwatchable. The kids I can somewhat excuse, but the adults are just as bad if not worse. The side characters contribute nothing to the story and are completely absent from the main drama. Our killer never gets the kind of characterization that I think he deserves. Also there's this weird symbolism with black balloons and the color black in general that doesn't really go anywhere?

With that in mind, I do really like the premise. I had never read the original story written by Joe Hill. Instead, it rather reminded me of Jeff Went Left, which has a similar premise of victims vs killer without the supernatural bollocks. The Sinister bros of Ethan Hawke and James Ransone are my exceptions to the horrific acting rule, with an honorable mention to Finney himself, Mason Thames. Overall, not bad. Was expecting much worse after the first 30 minutes, but, like a hatchet to the back of my head, it surprised me.